Time machine

Somehow blogging seemed to have always been my one and only vault of true expressions of my emotions and feelings. This brings me recollections of my blogging days, where I am my only audience. N this is probably enough for me, then. And now? 

I do miss this blog though. It has been by my side during bad and good times. 

Lest I have more than one audience (which is me, myself and I), this is my new blog : piperco.tumlr.com

You can find me there :) 

22 May 2013 1:15am

- Home -

Growing isn't easy

Be it growing up or growing old

More tough decisions to make

More complex issues surface

More clutter clogging your space

Tough day at work?

Bad day?

Disappointments?

Misalignment?

Many things juz don't go your way

Naively ..

Holding high hopes

But the fall is always high as well

Trust people too easily?

Is that my strength or weakness?

I really don't know anymore

Lowering my guard to trust, to share & be nice

But it always hit me

hard

taken for granted

Like what you always tell me

Never trust too easily

But I can't help it

It's my nature

Running all around

Getting into all sorts of activities

Drenched

Drained

Had a hard landing

Sore

At the end of the day

at least

I know there is always you with me

Always by my side

No matter what happen

No matter how badly hit I was

No matter rain or shine

I know

I can always cuddle in your embrace

This is home ... with you

::::: Deviations :::::

Some might ask

Some might wonder

Some scrutinize

Some try to understand

Some seek answers

Some explore

Some just abhor

or even insult

Insulting the upbringing of the others

Insulting the values and beliefs inculcated within families of others

Blaming the society

Blaming peer pressures?

Face it ...

The truth is always ugly

Those who criticize the most

are those who fail to apprehend the things/people closest to them

The roots

entrenched deep down

into one's life experiences up till the point it tips

*Snap*

There ...

Lies at your feet

A new path

A new life

A real you, for some

A new perspective

I guess this is what all these is about

The tipping point.

~Warped~

Right or wrong

Good or bad

Truth or lie

Who can define

It all falls into place

When sift through different frameworks

Different benchmarks

What is seen through the naked eye

Is never what it really was

What one does is never what one desires

What one projects is never what one really is

And when you just be yourself

You’ll bound to be scrutinize

Couldn’t care less

I would not conform to the norm

Neither would I need anyone’s acceptance

I am who I am

For a moment

I thought my world stopped revolving

Sucked into a vacuum

Oxygen level thinning

Palms cold with sweat

Body's weak

Never felt this before

This struggle

Another level of struggle

Not with the body

Not with the mind

It's the soul

A mash of cords intertwined together

With my soul in the heart of the mash

It’s unseen by the public, unfelt by the close ones.

But it’s constantly tightening. Breathless.
I need some air.

Fresh air.
I need some space.

Space of my own.

Needed to be around people I desired

Tough

I guess this is the time

we will have to face

a period we have to go through

Just wish this moment will pass by like a breeze

Every effort to loosen the knot

is countered by every attempt to tighten it

Change

I need to turn the situation to my favour

To break free

from the mash

Another National Day has passed

it's juz like another birthday

Time flies like water flowing down the rapids

People with different aspirations

different destinies

different priorities

who knows what lies ahead

Eccentric as I am

I can't align with the values & beliefs of people around

Yea I can't

I don't even want to explain

or convince anybody

is this when deviation is extrapolated?

is this when people look at you with certain prejudices?

is this when people shun away?

I think so

what can I do

People make choices everyday

I can't change them

I can only be myself

Anyway the world is full of prejudices

You can live your whole life & unable to change them

Juz like how sexism & racism is still prevailing

.........

Another day of work tomorrow

Time to sleep

::::Going away empties the mind and fills the soul,

coming back home fills the mind and empties the soul. :::::

Nice. Just one trip over the weekend. I concluded this.

Which is very true indeed. What else could be the reason for people

going away?

One can give u a thousand and one reasons. But the truth is .. it's a form of escapism.

But that is life. It's not something bad. You can't say it's bad to run away. Yes, of course facing the music is the best policy to resolving matters. But it doesn't always give you comfort and consolation. But .. think about it. Who doesn't escape?

Yes you can try to confront your problems once,twice,thrice and so on. But to keep this going, it's gonna be mentally drained. Drained...

Totally...

And when do you ever get what you wanted?

Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, maybe never.

Fighting for the things you desire isn't a bad thing

But sustaining it is tiring.

How long can you fight?

How long can the flame ignite?

Life is too short to struggle

Slow and steady

Still and quiet

What do you want?

What do I want?

Have you ever ask youself?

Probably no one ever ask

You spend most of your time with people around you everyday

talking about anything and everything under the sun

vague and superficial

The mask you wore, the masks they wore

it's all a cover of what is incomplete inside

You don't get the things you yearn the most

You spent most of your time with people around you

but at the end of the day

it's only just you

left alone

When do you get help when you needed it the most?

Never

it's always you there for yourself

How many people really care?

Beats me

I lost the passion

to

care